Hey Glenn Beck....
Just because some people believe in socialized medicine doesn't mean they're Nazis. I'm sure you believe in wearing shoes and having a strong military (which the Nazis also believed in) but I don't think that makes you a Nazi.
P.S. Are you the anti-Christ?
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Sunday, July 19, 2009
As far as food goes...it's over.
I was just thinking about which food nationality is the best and the winner is clear...Mexican. Now, you know me...I'm a stew fanatic. Since stew isn't a nationality (every country has SOME form of stew I suppose) I ommited it from my choices.
I know that people are going to try to make a case for Italian. God knows I love a good meatball, but burritos and quesadillas alone make Mexican untouchable. That shit is so easy and so good that there's no arguing.
I know that people are going to try to make a case for Italian. God knows I love a good meatball, but burritos and quesadillas alone make Mexican untouchable. That shit is so easy and so good that there's no arguing.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Little Boy Haircuts, Anyone?
In keeping with the angry theme of this blog I will start this entry with a small rant. I hate children (mostly boys but I will also make an exception for the occasional ugly little girl) with long hair. There, I said it. I hate kids with floppy hair. I hate kids with long bowl-cut hair. I hate kids with rat tails. I hate kids with perms. I HATE LONG HAIR ON CHILDREN!!
Having exorcised those demons I will now talk about my little boy's recent hair cut. His hair was getting a wee-bit dodgy so we (the wife and I) agreed that I could shave his head after his 2nd birthday photos. As a funny prank I shaved his head into a makeshift mohawk (see attached pics). The wife didn't like this so we agreed (after much explanation of how quickly time passes) to keep it for 48 hours of humor. It lasted just over 24 before the wife shaved the rest off.
I would like to say one thing about the boy's shaved head. It made me sad. Not because of the loss of his hair and not because of any aesthetic change it had on him as a whole but for another reason entirely...it made him look like a little person and not a baby. Looking at your child and realizing that he is getting bigger and bigger as you wish for him to stay smaller and smaller can be a sobering and sad thing to face. It's the first time I have ever wished that I could pause his growth. If only to buy a one or two more months with my LITTLE boy.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Little Help??
Did anyone ever go see Laser Grunge at Hansen Planetarium back in the 90s? If so, do you recall any of the set list? I remember: Been Caught Stealing (Janes Addiction), Wicked Garden (STP), Cherub Rock (Smashing Pumkins), Searching With My Good Eye Closed (Soundgarden), Would (Alice In Chains). Any add ons would be appreciated. No guesses please....I can do that myself.
Friday, January 9, 2009
10 Reasons Why College Football Is Inferior To Pro
Now that the college football season is finally over I can gear up to listen to all my whiney co-workers and friends and any other idiots who care about college football complain about how the Utes got screwed out of the national championship. To help ease their collective pain I have compiled a list of reasons why they should just GIVE UP on college football and accept its superior older brother...the NFL. Here are the reasons (in no random order)
1. The BCS. So obvious it's painful. As long as the BCS exists there is no reason to get excited about college football unless you belong to an elite handfull of college teams (you know who they are). If your team loses a game, your season is over. One loss...that's it. If the Utes lose their third game, sorry...you're screwed. No one ever remembers who won the MWAC 10 years ago so who gives a damn. If you don't stand a chance to play for the national title why care?
2. No celebrations. You just scored a huge touchdown for your team and you are so pumped up you can barely stand it...how do you celebrate in college football?
a. You spike the ball and run and hug your teammates.
b. You do a clever little dance and a front flip.
c. You hand the ball to the referee or set the ball on the ground.
Any answer you can think of other than C will get you flagged. It's a pathetic commentary on a sport that is supposed to be driven by "heart" and "youthful fun and energy".
3. The Broadcasters. I cannot tell you how SICK I am of hearing about "what a great young man" every player is or how "_______ is a real class act" every time they show a new player on the screen. ENOUGH!!!! I don't care if you want to make the occasional comment on a player's moral fortitude but when it happens 10-20 times a game it seems a little disingenuous. If you haven't noticed this trend yet start paying attention and you will notice it and it will destroy your soul.
4. The band. Yeah, I said it...the band sucks! The worst shit in the world is going to a college football game and sitting ANYWHERE in the vacinity of the marching band. The loudest, most annoyings song over and over and over again. I don't give one rat's ass how awesome your fight song is...the band sucks.
5. Meaningless games. I know, I know, Appalachian State, right?? Wrong. There are SO many non-conference games that are absolutely meaningless that it's pointless to play them. If you don't mind watching 5,000 games that end in a slaughter to get 1 or 2 major upsets then you're a more patient and tolerant fan than me, my friend.
6. The Mega-break between the last games and bowl games. How would you like to win your conference championship and feel like your on top of the world only to find you have a whopping 30+ days before you play in your bowl game? Sound like a cruel joke or really, really bad marketing scheme? Wrong again...it's just college football. Now that we know who's playing in the bowl games, sit back and take a month to think about it.
7. Option football. One of the most boring and horrible things ever invented. How fun is watching option football on the college level? The same as it is on any level...zero. Want to know why they don't run the option in the NFL? Because if they did the defense would literaly kill the quarteback with one hit. That, and the fans would kill themselves watching such boring, boring football.
8. The level of talent. Let's face it, pro football is the cream-of-the-crop when it comes to football athletes. There is NO WAY 90% of the football players in college could even compete at the pro levels. The old question "could the best college football team beat the worst pro team" is easily answered with a big NO. Hell no. Keep in mind the WORST pro football team consists of former BEST college athletes. Maybe 1 times in 100 a college team would win and that would only be due to some kind of new quadruple reverse on a last-second play or a horrible hurricane entirely localized within the stadium.
9. The rules. I will concede that the overtime process in college football is brilliant. Other than that, the rules are rediculous. Your knee touches the ground and you're down...why?? Pass interference on the play? You get 15 yards even if your WR was 60 yards down the field where the penalty occured. And the worst, God awful rule of them all...clock stoppage!!!! In the NFL you can stop the clock with a time out, getting out-of-bounds, penalty, or the two-minute warning. In college the clock stops EVERY TIME you make a 1st down. Down by 4 with 1:23 seconds to go and no time outs? Don't worry, just keep making stupid 1st downs and you can go 90 yards in 40 seconds. Complete garbage.
10. Coaches, parents, broadcasters, deans, or anyone else calling the players "kids". This kid is so great. These kids are so wonderful. My kids fought like crazy today. THEY ARE NOT KIDS!!! They are 19-23 (24-43 in BYU's case) year old men. They can vote, join the military, drink alcohol, committ numerous felonies, go pro and make millions of dollars, and even have sex. Please, for the love of God, quit referring to them as "kids".
I defy anyone to make a more compelling case against professional football.
1. The BCS. So obvious it's painful. As long as the BCS exists there is no reason to get excited about college football unless you belong to an elite handfull of college teams (you know who they are). If your team loses a game, your season is over. One loss...that's it. If the Utes lose their third game, sorry...you're screwed. No one ever remembers who won the MWAC 10 years ago so who gives a damn. If you don't stand a chance to play for the national title why care?
2. No celebrations. You just scored a huge touchdown for your team and you are so pumped up you can barely stand it...how do you celebrate in college football?
a. You spike the ball and run and hug your teammates.
b. You do a clever little dance and a front flip.
c. You hand the ball to the referee or set the ball on the ground.
Any answer you can think of other than C will get you flagged. It's a pathetic commentary on a sport that is supposed to be driven by "heart" and "youthful fun and energy".
3. The Broadcasters. I cannot tell you how SICK I am of hearing about "what a great young man" every player is or how "_______ is a real class act" every time they show a new player on the screen. ENOUGH!!!! I don't care if you want to make the occasional comment on a player's moral fortitude but when it happens 10-20 times a game it seems a little disingenuous. If you haven't noticed this trend yet start paying attention and you will notice it and it will destroy your soul.
4. The band. Yeah, I said it...the band sucks! The worst shit in the world is going to a college football game and sitting ANYWHERE in the vacinity of the marching band. The loudest, most annoyings song over and over and over again. I don't give one rat's ass how awesome your fight song is...the band sucks.
5. Meaningless games. I know, I know, Appalachian State, right?? Wrong. There are SO many non-conference games that are absolutely meaningless that it's pointless to play them. If you don't mind watching 5,000 games that end in a slaughter to get 1 or 2 major upsets then you're a more patient and tolerant fan than me, my friend.
6. The Mega-break between the last games and bowl games. How would you like to win your conference championship and feel like your on top of the world only to find you have a whopping 30+ days before you play in your bowl game? Sound like a cruel joke or really, really bad marketing scheme? Wrong again...it's just college football. Now that we know who's playing in the bowl games, sit back and take a month to think about it.
7. Option football. One of the most boring and horrible things ever invented. How fun is watching option football on the college level? The same as it is on any level...zero. Want to know why they don't run the option in the NFL? Because if they did the defense would literaly kill the quarteback with one hit. That, and the fans would kill themselves watching such boring, boring football.
8. The level of talent. Let's face it, pro football is the cream-of-the-crop when it comes to football athletes. There is NO WAY 90% of the football players in college could even compete at the pro levels. The old question "could the best college football team beat the worst pro team" is easily answered with a big NO. Hell no. Keep in mind the WORST pro football team consists of former BEST college athletes. Maybe 1 times in 100 a college team would win and that would only be due to some kind of new quadruple reverse on a last-second play or a horrible hurricane entirely localized within the stadium.
9. The rules. I will concede that the overtime process in college football is brilliant. Other than that, the rules are rediculous. Your knee touches the ground and you're down...why?? Pass interference on the play? You get 15 yards even if your WR was 60 yards down the field where the penalty occured. And the worst, God awful rule of them all...clock stoppage!!!! In the NFL you can stop the clock with a time out, getting out-of-bounds, penalty, or the two-minute warning. In college the clock stops EVERY TIME you make a 1st down. Down by 4 with 1:23 seconds to go and no time outs? Don't worry, just keep making stupid 1st downs and you can go 90 yards in 40 seconds. Complete garbage.
10. Coaches, parents, broadcasters, deans, or anyone else calling the players "kids". This kid is so great. These kids are so wonderful. My kids fought like crazy today. THEY ARE NOT KIDS!!! They are 19-23 (24-43 in BYU's case) year old men. They can vote, join the military, drink alcohol, committ numerous felonies, go pro and make millions of dollars, and even have sex. Please, for the love of God, quit referring to them as "kids".
I defy anyone to make a more compelling case against professional football.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Please notice
Please notice that I have chosen a soft yellow background for my blog. This was not accidental. The original was a very glaring and bright white. I chose soft, gentle yellow for you, my readers. No more exposure to the anger and bitterness of white background. Sit back, relax, take off your pants, and enjoy my blog.
This world is nuts.
I've decided to start a simple blog to see if I even enjoy it. I've mocked enough people about blogging and they all say that it is great fun and I would love it. I seriously doubt it but since I type almost 80 words a minute (it's true...see my facebook if you don't believe me) I figure it won't take up too much of my time. Plus, I will do it at work so I'm technically getting paid to blog. If this doesn't work...who cares? One more thing to hate.
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